The Road Ahead

I am going to start off my post today on a more melancholic note. I've just passed my Undang [theoretical driving] recently, and it got me thinking how much I've grown.

It felt as if it was just yesterday I walked through the gates of Penang Free School and started my life as a high schooler. I can still remember the times I had back in primary school. The laughter, the joy, the sadness and the questions I had. It all feels... nostalgic. I can't shake the feeling that I am still living in the past. Back then, I wanted nothing more than to grow up and put my big boy pants on. Now, I want nothing more than to go back to that time. The time when I didn't have a care for the world, back to the time when all I ever worried was the present. Back to that time where everything is so much more simpler. Fast forward it to 26th of february 2011, I was sitting in the waiting room, my result paper in my hands; I'd passed. Soon, I'd be driving. Soon, I'd be applying for my college. Soon, I'd be busy planning the path of life I wish to take. Soon, I'd have to leave a big part of my life behind, the care-free part of my life. But isn't this what I've been looking for all this time? The day that I am finally an adult? So why am I reminiscing about the past?

You might think that these are the word of an individual who is afraid of the future and can't take the burden of growing up, you are right. I am afraid of what the future holds, and I don't know what is at the end. Do we meet up with our God? Will we find the meaning of life? Where will we go? Questions that has been haunting everybody. Questions that can only be answered with more questions. That is life.

However, what makes us human is these sense of insecurity. Our conscience is what drives us forward, knowing very well we might not find an answer, but knowing we tried our best at living. I think that is a good enough reason to justify our purpose here on Earth isn't it? And here I am, justifying my reason for being alive, the reason for me to move forward. The answer is rather simple; it is because I can appreciate the past, live the present, and fear the future. That is all I need to justify my existence.